The Many Tales of the Bad Touch Trio
by InvaderLuver
Summary: Just the BTT, gettin in trouble, stalkin' countries, havin' fun. Who ever knew that Germany could play the drums? Who ever knew that China could make Russia cry? And what is Switzerland's e-zone? The Bad Touch Trio shall find out! I own nothing!
1. All that chocolate gets to you

Lately, I've noticed how HUGE Switzerland's butt is! LOL Go see!

Anyways... Half-nekkid Swissy, and guns! W00t!

* * *

"Look at him…" Prussia groaned in want, gazing upon a sleeping xenophobic through his open window. It was a fairly hot day, and Switzerland would rather sweat than pay for air conditioning costs. One other thing was that he was in only a large shirt and some boxers. He snored lightly, drool escaping his open mouth. France smirked. "Well, then… what are we waiting for?" He grabbed Spin and hoisted the brunet into the room, Antonio careful not to squeak as he hit the floor.

Prussia jumped in, landing on Spain, and France carefully moved around the two. They loomed over the Swiss, three guns surrounding him in his cozy bed. They were under the covers, like they were his spouse. Prussia went first, daringly pulling up the younger nation's shirt, revealing a very round bottom. Spain's jaw dropped. "Ooouhhh! His butt is HUGE…" He giggled silently, reaching out to grope. Prussia smacked his hand with the whip be brought. "No! Bad Spain!" He whispered. "Don't wake him… Look at that rifle…"

Francis then pulled down the sleeping neutral country's boxers, making him bite his lip in anticipation. "Look at that form…" He licked his lips as if Vash's backside was suddenly a French delicacy of some sort. "So handsome… So beautiful… so-"

They all hit the floor as Switzerland bolted upright. He remained that way for at least a minute. He didn't get up or anything. France watched as drool still escaped the blond's mouth. He murmured something in German, then cozily snuggled back into the blankets. Spain popped up, hovering over the large exposed bottom. "That is one, big, booty…Guess all that chocolate caught up with him!" He whispered, making Prussia laugh, keeping it as silent as he could, but the wheezing was a little much.

"Hand me the whip…" Francis requested, holding out his hand. Gilbert gave it over, still laughing. The Frenchman teased Vash by draping the tip over his bottom over and over. The feel made Switzerland groan in his sleep, shifting around. "Austria, not today…" He murmured.

Gilbert covered his mouth letting a bubble of air escape through a funny sound. France made sure they could get to a safe place before noting on how his two companions were escaping through the window. The blond gently kissed Switzerland's cheek before smacking the whip hard down on the young man's bottom, leaving a long red, rash-like mark. Switzerland screamed himself awake, darting up in bed. He took out the three guns and pulled up his boxers, gazing out the window to see the three running. He climbed out and sprinted to them. He was short and young, but he could run. He was on their tail in a matter of seconds. "COWARDS!" He yelled, pulling his pistol out and shooting at Prussia. His bag was shot instead, making the three scream.

He continued firing until they were driven off the land and back into France. Vash stopped dead at the border and continued to fire. 'KESESESESESES-OUUF!" Gilbert cried, tumbling down and flipping a few times. Francis and Antonio hurriedly dragged their leader away before they were shot as well. Vash ran out of ammo, hissing in defeat. "AND STAY OUT OF MY LAND YOU PRICKS!" He yelled, storming off while rubbing his sore behind.


	2. I could see Russia as a Housewife

Russia was at it again. He wrapped his scarf delicately around his neck and headed out without a word. As soon as he arrived at the conference room, he walked away from the nation he came with. "Aiyaa! Ivan!" China called. The Russian folded his arms. "What?"

"It wasn't cheating! Japan is related to me! It was only a hug and a kiss on the cheek!"

"Cheater…" The much larger nation declared, that purple aura appearing around him again. He growled, turning away. Yao walked over, hugging the cold nation. "Ivan…~" He cooed, kissing the other's ear. It had no effect. So he did the next best thing. When no one was looking, he lowered the scarf and kissed Russia's bare skin. Instead of giggling like a child, the large country hissed in pain and smacked the elder nation away.

Meanwhile, Prussia was gleefully drinking the beer he had stolen from his brother, and typing away on his laptop. He heard the sudden yelling in Chinese, and decided to go check it out. Luckily, France was nearby, flirting with a maid girl Spain was sick for the day, and decided to stay home. "Hey, follow me." Gilbert requested, giving off that trademark devious grin. Francis always knew what that meant. Snooping time…

They rounded a corner, the Pink Panther theme being whistled from the blond's lips. "Shut up! You'll get us caught!"

"Sorry!" He apologized, letting out 'dun-dun's instead when they would make large steps. "Dun… da-da-ba-da-da-da… DA-…DUMMM…" He whispered, getting hit in the side. "Shut it!"

The two finally reached the argument at hand. It was only Russia and China now, arguing back and forth in mixed languages. "Think they'll make out?" France asked, peering in. He looked up to a questionable look by his leader. "Just asking!" He defended.

Russia slapped China again, yelling in his native tongue. Yao couldn't take this anymore. He growled, pushed the larger man out of the chair on his knees and brought a hand down on his ass. "MOOHHH-" Francis let out, covering his mouth to stop the low-pitched sound. China yelled in Chinese, continuing to smack the other helpless one. Gilbert gasped, Gilbird tweeting as well. Was Russia, crying?

The tears were visible even in this light, and he did look upset… France just watched. "Oh God… I have to text Antonio this…"

* * *

And halfway into the world meeting the Frenchman burst out laughing at the ridiculous reply:

'_Oh GOD. DRINK IT OFF, IVAN. DON'T BE ONE OF THOSE HOUSEWIVES FOR CHINA YET… ARU.'_


	3. NOT as we planned, Prussia

Spain slammed the door to the conference room, running to Prussia and France. "I have the BEST idea, EVER." He whispered his plan to the three, making sure the other scattered nations wouldn't be able to hear. "Yeah…" France agreed with the plan. "but who is our victim?"

"Who would get the angriest… Switzerland would shoot us, mien bruder would possibly kill me…" He pondered before gasping. "America!"

Antonio smiled, agreeing with the plan. He went to get Romano's old, virus-filled laptop from his car, while Francis took his position at the door. Prussia waited for Spain to give him the 'OK'. The Spaniard got the laptop and nodded to the albino through the window. Prussia whistled, looking France dead in the eye. The blond gasped loudly. "I-Is that Germany and Italy in a fist fight? AND ITALY'S WINNING?" America grabbed England and darted out of the room. The others curiously followed, nearly pushed out by France. Spain sprinted back into the building, taking America's laptop and stashing it away by everyone's jackets and sweaters in a far corner of the room.

Suddenly, a very angry England stormed back into the room. "That was nothing but those two hugging and talking, you wanker!" He smacked America.

The meeting started shortly, everyone taking their seats. Prussia volunteered to pour the drinks for everyone. He got a dirty look from Switzerland as he filled the young man's cup with tea. "I still haven't forgotten about how you whipped me…" The albino scoffed, filling Austria's cup with water instead. "Oh please… I'm still partially handicapped because of that bullet wound so suck it. Though I'm sure that's what you were doing when we heard you-" Prussia suddenly raised his voice just to embarrass the neutral nation. "-SCREAMING AUSTRIA'S NAME LAST WEEK IN YOUR DREAM, SWITZERLAND!" The blond got various looks from everyone, wanting to crawl under a rock and die. He nervously laughed and purposely tripped the Prussian.

The gray-haired ex-nation gave out a yelp of pain, the water from the three pitchers on a tray he held flying across the table. The beverages flooded important documents and papers from various nations. Russia, China, and France were drenched in water, one of the empty pitchers knocking two more near them over and into their laps. Water reached technology as well. Italy, Romano, Russia, China, France, England, and Hungary all had to get new phones, five had to get new laptops, and poor Mr. Kumajiro was sopping wet.

Switzerland covered his mouth in shock, barely able to say anything. Prussia groaned, water dripping from the edge of the table onto his forehead. He growled, getting up and shaking off the water. "Smooth move, VASH." He hissed loudly. Canada whimpered, reaching out to help his polar bear into his arms. For once, everyone saw the poor, unnoticeable blond. "Mattie? You okay?" The blond listened to Kumajiro cough and snuggle into his chest, crying some. This broke Canada's heart. He wiped his misty eyes and marched over to the Swiss, still in shock. "Say you're sorry." He demanded, hatred in his voice.

Switzerland quickly apologized, smoothing out the bear's fur to try and make it better. Matthew then gathered his jacket and speed-walked out of the conference room. "Aiyaa…" China whispered, looking at his soiled papers and drowning cell phone. Russia whimpered at his drenched scarf and gave a 'kol kol kol' towards Vash. The young nation burrowed his head in his palms. Germany helped Italy get the excess water out of his HP, and stow it away before anything else happened. "You weren't supposed to hit me as well, Gilbert!" Francis yelled, throwing his now broken phone at the albino. Prussia was hit in the eye, but got back up on his feet. "It was Vash's fault! He tripped me!"

"For talking about me and my dreams, and how you whipped my ass when I was asleep! LITERALLY."

Now everyone was glaring at Prussia.

"You did, WHAT?" Germany asked, standing up.

The ex-nation staggered over silently, giving off his best guilty smile. "Hehe…!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Italy screamed, clawing into his lover's brother's neck. Prussia gagged and beat the Italian down with a stapler before fleeing. Almost every nation ran after the guilty red-eyed man. Germany stayed behind, looking down at Switzerland. "I don't think you're responsible for that catastrophe anymore…"

Vash let out a deep sigh of relief. "Thank God…"


	4. DAYUM SWITZY!

Warning! OOC Switzerland! (Love him)

Song: 'He Taught Me how to Yodel' by Margo Smith

Switzerland, assuming that, ya' know, he's **SWITZERLAND** and all, can yodel. (My opinion)...OH GOD, I COULD SEE HIM DOING THAT NOW... :3

_**Italics and Bold-**_ Yodeling part.

**Bold-** Song part

* * *

It was just another day, everyone was over at Italy's house for a visit. Pasta was out for lunch, and everyone was having a nice time, watching a movie as well. Suddenly, Italy gasped. "Oh! I forgot to ask!" He turned to Germany. "Can you sing like you did yesterday, please?"

Prussia burst into laughter. "West singing? Oh! I'd love that! If West can sing, and is great, then I'm Justin Bieber!" He smirked, snorting and 'kesesese'ing as well. He continued, setting his food down and looking at the group of people. "I suppose Italy can do romance, and Switzy there can yodel. Which he can, by the way." The blond dropped his fork. "H-Huh?" He asked quietly. The expression written across his face told the story.

It was like yesterday, the Prussian was spying on his fellow nation friends and looking for something to pass the time. He was silently creeping around Switzerland's land when he heard something awesome. Not as awesome as him, but still funny, and cool. The albino crept up to one window leading to the kitchen to see Lichtenstein and her older brother baking apparently.

He was humming a tune to himself while mixing ingredients together for a soup. Music was playing thought the house.

"**I went across to Switzerland  
Where all the yodelers be  
To try to learn to yodel  
With my **_**yodel-oh-ee-dee…**_**"**

Prussia's jaw dropped , still listening to the young man sing to his sister. Lichtenstein stopped chopping carrots and watched her brother sway his hips and tap his foot.

"**I climbed a big high mountain  
On a clear and sunny day  
There I met a yodeling guy  
In a little Swiss chaleeet~…"**

Prussia smirked. This could either make the Swiss a lot of money, or totally humiliate him. If only he had Hungary's camera to record this… The albino leaned on the window pane, listening to the slightly shy voice.

Vash cleared his throat, playfully taking Lili's hands and twirling her around some.

"**He taught me to yodel,** _**yodel-oh-ee-dee  
Diddly-odel-oh-ee-dee diddly-odel-oh-ee-dee~!**_**"**

Lichtenstein laughed as Vash kissed her nose and spun around a little himself.

**"He taught me to yodel,**_** yodel-oh-ee-dee-ay-dee  
Yodel-oh-ee-dee-yodel-oh-dee~…"**_

He sang sweetly, stopping himself. His sister giggled, letting go of his hand. "That was wonderful, big brother."The blond blushed, "I haven't sang that in such a long time, Lichtenstein… I need some water." He declared, taking a glass and filling it with tap water. He drank the whole thing and relaxed before re-doing the whole song this time. Gilbert swayed along with the beat. It wasn't that different from the Germanic music he had listened to growing up. It was just more acoustic.

Yep… those were the times… Gilbert now gazed to the Swiss sitting across from him. "Don't act like you don't know how to! I listened to you _yodel-a-he-hoo_ in your kitchen with your sister!" He mocked, standing up in protest. "It was about going off to Switzerland where all the yodelers are, and… then you broke into that yodeling session."

Vash folded his arms. "I did no such thing!"

"Oh, big brother can yodel alright~!" He slapped a hand over his sister's mouth. "SHUSSHHH…"

Now, everyone was bribing the man to do it. He just shook his head. He even turned down money. "Oh come on!" Poland nudged him. "It'll be, like, TOTALLY awesome! Come on Switzy!" Said nation sighed heavily, snatching the money all the others had given as a bribe. "FINE…"

Lichtenstein fetched her brother's laptop. She knew that he couldn't sing without music to help him out. Once the instrumental was up, and Switzerland had gotten plenty of water in his system, he stood in front of the paused movie, ready to sing. Everyone had their eyes fixed on the young man.

"**I went across to Switzerland  
Where all the yodelers be  
To try to learn to yodel  
With my **_**yodel-oh-ee-dee~"**_**  
**

Germany nearly fell off the couch laughing. Vash could see he meant it nicely and smiled. It wasn't an insult, it was out of shock. China and Japan were both thrown back in their seats. Italy swayed in his chair along with the music, and took the liberty of starting the clapping wave. America clapped along with Feliciano, making France and England join. Switzerland snickered while singing the next few lines

**"I climbed a big high mountain  
On a clear and sunny day  
There I met a yodeling guy **

**In a little Swiss chalet~!"**

China thought that this was the first time he had seen his friend, Russia, smile this much, and act so cute and normal. Japan was still in shock, clapping absentmindedly.

Switzerland took in a deep breath, eyeing Prussia.

**"He taught me to yodel, **_**yodel-oh-ee-dee**_

_**Diddly-odel-oh-ee-dee diddly-odel-oh-ee-dee**_**  
He taught me to yodel, **_**yodel-oh-ee-dee-ay-dee  
Yodel-oh-ee-dee-yodel-oh-dee~!"**__  
_

Vash took Gilbert by the hands, pulling him to his feet and playfully poking around him and then prancing around the room with him close. The albino got the game, learning quickly and grabbing his brother as well. Germany grabbed Austria, who took Hungary. The two new 'contestants', followed along with whatever Switzerland was doing. The blond guided them to his traditional dancing, twirling Hungary around, then forming the Germanic areas into a circle.

**"So now I wanna teach you  
How to yodel just like me  
It's easy when you're singing  
To go…**_**yodel-diddly-oh-oh-dee~"**_**  
**

Lichtenstein joined in, getting in the center of the circle as they all pulled together to meet her. Vash let go of their hands, taking his sister and twirling her around. Austria did the same to Hungary, and Prussia was reluctantly spun by Germany. "C'mon Japan~!" Italy cooed, pulling up the Asian man. Kiku shyly lifted his arm and let Feli spin on his own. When it was his turn, he slowly turned. China pulled and tugged on Russia's scarf before making him get up. America grabbed England and pranced around with him. For once, the Brit didn't smack the other blond, and just enjoyed himself. He even pulled France up and danced with the three.

**"First take a deep breath  
Then you exhale, one, two, three…  
Then you'll hear a yodel  
If you listen close to me~!**

**Yeah this is how to yodel, _yodel-oh-ee-dee_**

_**Diddly-odel-oh-ee-dee diddly-odel-oh-ee-dee**_

**This is how to yodel, **_**yodel-oh-ee-dee  
Diddly-odel-oh-ee-dee-yodel-oh-deeee~!"**_

The Swiss gradually continued on, dragging out the sing and speeding up enough to make England start laughing in amazement. Once the song stopped, they all whistled for the Swiss. Vash bowed dramatically, sitting back down on the couch and resuming the movie like nothing had happened.


End file.
